I am trying to deal with the impending death of my father, who is under hospice care. He has steadily gone downhill since December. Meanwhile, my dear mother-in-law passed away in March after three months in the hospital while we watched her die. I am taking Xanax for depression, but right now I find myself crying almost all the time. I work in retail and must present an aura of composure, but I'm not doing very well. I seem to need more space for myself, and I'm finding it very difficult to cope. I just want to scream to everyone "Don't you know what I'm going through?" It seems very selfish because my dad is the one who is really suffering, not me. Do you have any suggestions?

E.J.

An immediate suggestion is to stop referring to your father, not you, as the one who is "really" suffering. I suspect you may be minimizing or denying the terrible stress and pain most people would feel if their father were dying. Especially if that followed the recent death of another loved one! My condolences to you in the loss of your beloved mother-in-law, and in the impending death of your father.

If you haven't done so already, please talk with the hospice staff to see if there is a counselor YOU can talk with, or if they can recommend a support group for loved ones. If there are no such services available within their facility, they should be able to recommend some in your community. A counselor or therapist of your own may provide you both with a haven to express and process what you're really feeling, and suggestions for coping with the tremendous stress you're under.