My mother wants me to get a checkup by a gynecologist (I am 17), but I really don't want to go! I was molested for about a year when I was little and no one knows about it, and I want to keep it that way. But I think I may need to see the doctor because I think the tissue in my vaginal area is not normal. There seems to be extra skin in that area, and I have a lot of small bumps on that tissue as well. I am still a virgin. And I am scared! I am afraid of what the GYN will ask. I don't want my family, or anyone, to know about this! I just want to be normal again! What should I do?

--D.

You should not be afraid to discuss the past molestation with your gynecologist -- as a matter of fact, if the doctor does not ask, then you should volunteer the information. You did not ask for this horrible thing to happen to you, and you have nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed about. You do need to be screened for sexually transmitted diseases you may have been exposed to, and the doctor needs all the information -- if the doctor thinks you are a virgin and doesn't know about the molestation, she or he may overlook subtle findings.
You also should seek counseling. You do not need to suffer the additional burden of keeping this to yourself. You need help to deal with what has happened to you, so it does not destroy you. Many women who have been molested suffer from problems ranging from poor self-image to pelvic pain; there is help available, and you do not have to continue to be victimized.

One other thing to keep in mind: What you tell the doctor is between you and the doctor, and your family need not find out. I tell that to all my adolescent patients and their parents. You may wish to "interview" a few doctors' offices via telephone first. Ask questions such as, "Will the doctor talk to me in the office first, before doing an exam?" and "If I ask that something remain confidential, will the doctor honor that?"

Please find a gynecologist you are comfortable with (and it need not be the same one your mother goes to). Please see a counselor or a therapist, or call a sexual abuse hot line, to get the help you need to move beyond this horrible thing that has happened to you. You are not alone, and you need not feel like you are.