Temper tantrums are emotional outbursts generally displayed by children during early childhood, between the ages of 1 and 4 years. They are considered a normal, healthy part of child development.
During a temper tantrum, children may engage in behaviors such as screaming, shouting, hitting and kicking.
Some children have temper tantrums regularly, whereas others rarely experience them. The frequency of tantrums is related to the individual temperament of the child. Temper tantrums affect boys and girls equally.
Many people mistakenly believe that temper tantrums are caused by poor parenting skills. However, they typically stem from a combination of factors, including immediate circumstances, the child’s age, communication skills, temperament and developmentally healthy behavior.
Parents and caregivers can handle temper tantrums by distracting the child, removing the child from the situation, ignoring the child or holding the child.
In some cases, temper tantrums may be prevented or minimized. This may be achieved by setting realistic limits, helping children adhere to a regular schedule and offering children legitimate choices.
About temper tantrums
Temper tantrums are emotional outbursts typically displayed by young children. They are generally characterized by crying and screaming. All children experience temper tantrums at some point, and they are considered a normal, healthy part of child development.
Temper tantrums typically occur during early childhood, from the ages of 1 to 4 years. They tend to peak at age 2 and decrease in frequency thereafter as children demonstrate improved self-control and become better able to communicate with parents and other caregivers. Generally, temper tantrums are infrequent after age 5, and children who continue to experience outbursts after this age may do so throughout childhood.
Some children have temper tantrums regularly, whereas others experience them infrequently. The frequency of tantrums is related to the individual temperament (disposition) of the child. Simply put, some children are just more prone to regular outbursts than others. Temper tantrums affect boys and girls equally.
Temper tantrums can be frustrating and embarrassing for parents, who often blame themselves for their child’s outbursts. However, tantrums are typically caused by a combination of factors, including immediate circumstances, the child’s age, temperament, communication skills and developmentally healthy behavior. Poor parenting skills may be involved, but are not a cause of tantrums.
Children may have temper tantrums for a number of reasons, including:
Frustration
Anxiety
Anger
Tiredness
Hunger
Discomfort
Jealousy of a friend or sibling
To seek attention
To manipulate parents to act in a desired manner (e.g., buy them a toy or candy)
To avoid performing a certain task (e.g., eating their vegetables)
Parents should notify their child’s physician if temper tantrums occur more than once a day or exceed 15 minutes in duration. This may indicate that an underlying social problem or medical or psychological condition is present.
Age and temper tantrums
The causes of temper tantrums tend to vary according to a child’s age:
Infants. Although babies may cry frequently, they do not really experience temper tantrums. Infants cry because they have no other way of communicating their basic needs (e.g., food, blanket, clean diaper) to parents and other caregivers. Infants may also cry because they have colic.
Crying infants can be frustrating for parents who are unable to determine which need is not being met. Studies indicate that tending to a baby’s needs quickly and holding and comforting an infant during crying spells helps the infant become more secure, which may result in a dramatic reduction in crying over time.
Toddlers. There are several reasons that a toddler may have a tantrum. Most children in this age group become frustrated easily and strive for autonomy or a sense of independence. In addition, they have yet to master basic language skills. They may find it difficult to verbally express their feelings and ask parents or caregivers for the things that they desire. Toddlers also do not possess many problem-solving skills. For instance, toddlers may have a tantrum because they find it difficult to remove a shoe. Tantrums occur more often when toddlers are overexcited, overtired or hungry.
Preschoolers. Preschool-age children typically have fewer tantrums than toddlers. They are better able to communicate with parents and caregivers and have developed additional coping skills. However, children in this age group may still have tantrums in some instances. For example, they may become frustrated if a parent refuses to take them to a toy store. Some preschoolers learn that tantrums may produce positive results when a parent or caregiver gives in to their demands. If parents continually reward children for their negative behavior, the number of tantrums will likely increase.
School-age children. Children in this age group typically experience fewer tantrums than younger children because they have improved problem-solving skills. However, school-age children can still become hungry, overtired and cranky. Additionally, they are dealing with more complicated social situations, such as forming and maintaining friendships, working as a member of a team and participating in group activities. Children who find it difficult to express themselves or who have impaired problem-solving abilities are more likely to experience angry fits or temper tantrums. However, school-age children can learn to acknowledge feelings of anger and frustration and cope with them in an acceptable manner.
Signs and symptoms of temper tantrums
During a temper tantrum, children may whine, cry or roll on the floor. They may also engage in the following behaviors:
Screaming
Shouting
Stamping feet
Hitting
Kicking
Thrashing about
Head banging
Throwing things
Breath holding
Although temper tantrums are typically a normal, healthy part of child development, parents should notify their child’s physician if temper tantrums occur more than once a day or exceed 15 minutes in duration. This may indicate the presence of an underlying social problem or medical or psychological condition (e.g., vision or hearing problem, learning disability).
Parents should also notify their child’s physician if:
The tantrums worsen after the child turns 4
The tantrums increase in intensity
The child holds their breath or faints during tantrums
The child’s behaviors are destructive
The child often hurts themselves or other people
The child displays signs of a mood disorder (e.g., anxiety, poor self-esteem, negativity)
They have questions about the child’s behavior
They have questions about how to handle the child’s behavior
They repeatedly give in to the child’s requests
The tantrums elicit bad feelings
Tips for handling temper tantrums
Parents or caregivers should remain calm when a child is having a temper tantrum. If a parent shakes, spanks or screams at a child in the midst of a tantrum, the tantrum will probably worsen. Instead, parents should lead by example and control their emotions to the best of their ability.
The first step in stopping a temper tantrum is firmly asking the child to stop acting out. If this request is ineffective, parents should pause for 30 seconds to determine the next best course of action. There are four additional ways to handle a temper tantrum. They include:
Distracting the child. Parents can attempt to shift the focus of the child’s attention. For instance, if a child has a tantrum when a parent takes away an unsafe object, the parent should provide the child with a safer item. This method is especially effective with toddlers.
Removing the child from the situation. Parents can attempt to take the child to a quiet, isolated area to calm down. This discipline technique is commonly known as a “time-out.” If the tantrum occurs at home, the child may be taken to his or her bedroom. If it occurs in a public place (e.g., grocery store) the child may be taken outside or to sit in the car. However, a child should never be left alone or unattended in a public place.
Time-outs generally last for a specific time period according to the child’s age (typically one minute per year with a five-minute maximum). If the child tries to leave the designated location before the specified time period or refuses to quiet down, the time-out begins again.
Ignoring the child. As children become older, they may have tantrums to gain attention from parents. Parents can attempt to ignore the child and continue with their normal routine. If parents are uncomfortable witnessing the tantrum, they can leave the general area or distract themselves in another manner (e.g., turn on the television).
Holding the child. Parents can attempt to physically restrain children if they are acting in a manner that may be potentially harmful to themselves or others (e.g., hitting, kicking). Parents should attempt to be as gentle and reassuring as possible and let the child know that they recognize that they are angry and will hold them until they calm down. Children become frightened when they cannot control their emotions, and many find this approach to be comforting.
It is very important for parents to allow children an adequate cooling-down period before attempting to discuss the tantrum. It is very difficult to try to reason with children who are not in control of their emotions. After a sufficient period of time has passed, parents should discuss the tantrum with their child and teach alternate ways to handle such situations in the future. Preschool- and school-age children can learn the following skills:
How to ask others for assistance
When to go somewhere else to gain control over their emotions
How to try to accomplish their goal in another manner
How to verbalize their feelings instead of acting out physically
Parents should not reward a child after a tantrum by giving in to their requests. Rather, parents should praise the child for regaining composure. In addition, children learn by watching their parents. Adults who have adequate control over their own behavior and approach problems without emotional outbursts provide good models for children to emulate.
Temper tantrums can be very unsettling for children. After a child has a tantrum, parents should comfort and reassure them that everything is fine. It is important for parents to communicate that they still love the child although they do not approve of their actions.
Prevention methods for temper tantrums
In some cases, temper tantrums may be prevented or minimized. Parents and caregivers should be aware of signals that may indicate a tantrum is imminent. They can do so by studying the child’s tantrums for any patterns and asking themselves questions such as:
Where and when do the tantrums typically occur?
Do the tantrums typically involve anyone in particular?
What events typically occur before, during and after each tantrum?
Setting realistic limits and helping children adhere to a regular schedule can also often prevent tantrums. It is especially important that a child have consistent mealtime and bedtime schedules.
Parents should also strive to offer their children legitimate choices. For instance, they should not ask children if they are tired unless they are prepared to allow them to take a nap. If a parent wants a child to take a nap at a specific time, they should tell the child that it is naptime rather than making the child feel as though he or she has a choice that does not exist.
Other methods for preventing and minimizing temper tantrums include:
Give the child sufficient attention. Children prefer negative attention to no attention at all. Therefore, parents and caregivers may prevent tantrums by recognizing and rewarding positive behavior with attention.
Allow the child to have some control. Letting children make certain choices, such as whether they want a grilled cheese or peanut better and jelly sandwich for lunch, may fulfill their need for autonomy and prevent potential tantrums.
Keep forbidden objects out of the child’s sight and reach when possible. This reduces the likelihood that struggles will develop between parent and child. Parents can also “child-proof” the home, which results in the need to enforce fewer restrictions.
Say “no” only to things that are very important.
Provide the child with adequate warning that an activity will soon end. This helps prepare the child for change.
Help the child avoid activities that are too challenging. For example, parents should only allow children to play with age-appropriate games and toys. Permitting children to participate in tasks they will be unable to accomplish sets them up for failure and frustration.
Recognize the child’s limits. For example, if it is obvious that a child is sleepy, parents may want to postpone running an errand.
Questions for your doctor on temper tantrums
Preparing questions in advance can help parents have more meaningful discussions with their child’s physicians regarding their child’s treatment options. The following questions related to temper tantrums may be helpful:
My child seems to have temper tantrums quite regularly. Should I be concerned?
My child’s temper tantrums are becoming increasingly violent. How can I put a stop to such behavior?
How can I best handle my child’s temper tantrums?
Is there a way to prevent my child from having temper tantrums?
At what age will my child outgrow temper tantrums?
How long does a typical temper tantrum last?
Is it okay to reward my child after he/she settles down from a tantrum?
What should I do if my child has a tantrum in a public place, such as the grocery store?
Isn’t it easier to simply give my child what he/she wants rather than have to suffer through a tantrum?
