I am married to the most wonderful woman in the world, but for the last three months, she has been very distant from me. Two months ago, I started asking questions to find out why -- things like "Are you happy?" "Am I doing anything wrong or things you don't like?" or "How can I help make things better for us?" She didn't have anything to say. These are questions I often asked to keep communications open so as not to become complacent and to keep growing. Now she says she feels nothing at all toward me. She doesn't know if she wants to work through it or break up. What do I do?

--C.

There may not be a whole lot you can do right now, except engage in good care for yourself, keep the communication lines open and give your wife support as she figures out what she wants to do. The ball's in her court now. You've indicated your willingness to work on whatever she might be dissatisfied with about you or your relationship. She needs to decide whether she wants to hang in there or give up.

It is quite likely, of course, that what your wife is going through hasn't much to do with you at all, although she may think it does. People can displace onto their partners sadness, anxiety or anger that actually stems from personal issues or emotional experiences in the distant past. They may be unhappy or bored or chronically empty and don't know why -- and the nearest and easiest person to blame is the imperfect spouse.

Of course, we're all imperfect, but someone unconsciously fleeing from emptiness or turmoil within may focus on the spouse's flaws or the mundane qualities of any long-term relationship as being the REAL problem ... and feel they can solve the problem by changing the partner -- or changing partners.

A therapist experienced in marital and relationship issues may also be able to help YOU (although perhaps not your marriage), even if your wife won't participate. Good luck.